after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
