Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
