How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
