I'm really into asian looking animals
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
