Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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