Can i not drive my cunt home
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
