I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need to calm my uterus...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
