ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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