..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
