He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
