Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so much tequila, so little girl.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
