Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
