im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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