why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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