420 ftw
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
