If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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