My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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