Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
