rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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