Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
