Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
