Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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