Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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