i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
