I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
