After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
