Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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