i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
