Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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