The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
