6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
