do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
