theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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