I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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