Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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