I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
