i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
