you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
