My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
