you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
