we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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