i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
