She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just puked most of my soul out..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
