Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we're so committed to being not committed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
