Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
