If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
