Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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