I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
