just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
