i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
