I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
