I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
