So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
