dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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