i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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