please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize