If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
