she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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