True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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