bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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